I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
