u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
