I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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