Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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