dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
