girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
