Sponge bath it is.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
