she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
