One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
