I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
