MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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