Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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