she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i dont even know how to be here
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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