real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
