Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
