I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
bring money and cleavage
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
