the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
