Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
