Do you still have your period?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
