Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
