the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
