Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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