Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
