so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
