You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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