dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im holly from the hills drunk
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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