if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think my vagina is haunted
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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