if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
