Im at strip club and am horny
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
