The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
