I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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