I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
