I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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