And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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