Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
