Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
