So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
