Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
