if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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