i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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