Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
