Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
