I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
