I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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