I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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