DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
