Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
