I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
