Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
