im drinking this country out of the recession.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If I die, sorry about rent.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
