**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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