We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
