so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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