I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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