I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
