um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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