Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
