the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
