so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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